Michael Scott: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."
Michael Scott: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North," and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.
Michael Scott: I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself.
Jim Halpert: Hey! Whoa! Michael. Michael Scott: Oh Gosh!!! Ohhh. Jim Halpert: Ok, it's Jim... just say again really loudly what happened. Michael Scott: Ok, booooouuur... I burned my foot, very badly, on my Foreman Grill and I now need someone to come and bring me into work. Jim Halpert: You burned YOUR foot, on a Foreman Grill? Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don't have a butler I have to do it myself... so, most nights before I go to bed I will lay out 6 strips of bacon out on my foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again, then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's a perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped on to the grill and it clamped on to my foot. That's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.